One Night Only: A Girl's Best Friend

A Girl's Best Friend
"And she took her top off?"
"Yea, she didn't even think twice about it. She just whipped it right off."
"Shit, Jay, your girl is fucking crazy."
Jay and Nicholas Holt sat in a crowded bar in downtown Los Angeles drinking scotches; sitting next to the windows, they could see the pouring rain and lightning from the storm outside and the stranded pedestrians trying to to get out of it. As Jay took a sip of his scotch, his cell phone rang.
"Hold that thought, Nick," Jay said as he opened his phone.
"Hello?"
"Jay, honey, where are you?" It was Jacquie, her voice sounded trembly and shaky.
"I'm downtown, sweetheart. What's wrong? Why ya crying?"Jacquie started bawling into the phone, all Jay could hear was "died".
"Died? Who died?"
More sobbing could be heard and then the line went dead. Jay hung up the phone and got up quickly.
"What's going on, Jay?"
Jay threw on his coat and drank the rest of his scotch. "Somebody died and Jacquie is really upset. I gotta go."
"Hey, man, what about..."
Before Nick could finish, Jay threw a twenty on the table and dashed out of the bar. As Jay caught the last west-bound bus, the wind picked up amist the downpour, sending sheets of rain into the traffic and hail pounded against the bus's roof. From inside the packed bus, Jay attempted to call Jacquie three times, but static was all he got on the other end.
"Damnit, Jacquie, answer the phone!" At the stop, Jay dashed into the pouring rain and entered his home completely soaked. Jacquie sat on the couch, drinking red wine and draining a box of tissues. She wore a black silk pajama set and no glasses.
"Honey, is that you?" she sniffed as she got up off the couch and ran over to Jay. She threw his arms around him, then pulled away in shock.
"Ohmygod, you're sopping wet!"
"Had to book it from the bus stop in this nasty storm." Jay said as he hustled into the bathroom and peeled off his clothes.
"Are you okay?"
"No, no, no," Jacquie whined as she sat back down on the couch. "I've been a fuzzy mess all night. Gracie died."
Jay's jaw dropped as he threw on a bathrobe and grabbed a towel to dry his hair. "Gracie died?" "Yeah, she hadn't moved in her kitty bed for awhile, so I bent down to pet her and she was all stiff..."Jacquie started crying; Jay walked over and held her in his arms.
"Oh, there there, hon," Jay said, "At least she went peacefully. She was an old kitty, what, twenty-something?"
"Twenty-two, but she was my baby..."
Jacquie sobbed heartily in Jay's arms; a few hours later, both of them fell asleep on the couch. Jay's cell phone went off, and after some hunting to find it, answered to Nick on the other end of the line.
"Jay? What the hell?"
"Nick?"
"Yeah, caveman, what the hell happened?"
"Well, it turned out the cat died and..." Jay got up off the couch, Jacquie slid off of him and dangled off of the couch's side.
"Cat? That ancient cat? You left your buddy at the bar and went into a hailstorm for a goddamn cat?!?"
"Hey, I didn't know it was the cat that died, okay?" Jay went into the kitchen to get a snack. "Jacquie was crying and, well, I had to help her."
Nick sighed. "Shit, you are more whipped than a dominatrix victim, Jay. Hell, she cooks and cleans and does your laundry, I'm suprised you two aren't married yet. You've been dating, hell, three years?"
"Two years, and I have been seriously thinking about popping the..."
Jay turned on the light and opened the freezer; inside was Gracie neatly wrapped in plastic wrap. Jay screamed and stumbled over the kitchen chairs, hitting his forehead on the corner of one. Jacquie woke up and dashed to the kitchen to find Jay with a bumped-up forehead sprawled on the kitchen floor. She gasped tried to shake him awake.
"Jay, honey? Are you alright? Jay, Jay?"
Jay woke to find Jacquie blotting his head with a cold wet towel.
"Jacquie, honey, why is Gracie in the freezer?"
"She's guarding the ice cream."
"Whaaaat?!"
"No no, I'm just kidding. I'm keeping her in there until the storm blows over so we can bury her."
Jacquie closed the freezer and helped Jay to his feet. "You seriously didn't think I'd deep freeze my cat, did you?"
"Well, either that or make a casserole out of her."
Jacquie took the towel and threw it at Jay's head.
***
"Are you finding what you need, sir?"
"I'm just looking, thanks."
While Jacquie attended a bridal shower for a fellow comedian friend, Jay browsed all of the jewelry stores in a galleria to find the perfect engagement ring. All of the stores were the same: overly friendly salesclerks, grey tweed carpet, bright lights and overpriced rings that didn't catch Jay's eye. Taking a deep sigh, Jay left the last jewelry store and walked toward the exit; however, a huge crowd in one area caught Jay's attention. A banner over a pet supply store read: Los Angeles ASPCA and PetCo Presents/Cat Adoption Day and the central area was lined with cages of cats of all colors, sizes and ages.
"Good thing Jacquie isn't down here." Jay said as he walked by the kitten cages, "She'd buy every cat in this place."
However, one little kitten caught Jay's eye: a orange ball of tabby fluff with moss green eyes and white feet. Peeking down into the cage, Jay poked his finger through the bars, only to have the kitten walk over and start swatting at Jay's hair and licking Jay's finger.
"Please don't put your finger in the cage, sir!" Jay looked over to see a young woman walking over to him; her highlighted hair up in a very messy bun. "Did you find one you like?"
"Can I see that little orange guy with the socks?"
"Sure! Let's see...he's Oliver and he's eight weeks old. Found in a dumpster with his siblings." The woman pulled Oliver out of the cage and handed him to Jay, Oliver continued with his hair swatting and then curled into Jay's chest, purring. Jay smiled.
"Awww, my girlfriend likes to do that too. Come to think of it, you do look a lot like her."
"Is he a keeper, sir?" Jay looked down at the purring furball and Oliver cocked his head to one side.
"Absolutely."
"That's great, sir!" After filling out the paperwork and paying the fees, Jay was given a cardboard box with Oliver inside, and free bags of kitten food and cat litter. Passing through one of the jewelry stores on the way out, an idea popped into Jay's head.
"Sir, may I help you?"Jay pulled Oliver out of the box.
"Can I get a bracelet that fits around his neck?"
***
Later that evening, Jay pulled off his barrage of one-liners at the Comedy Store; Oliver sat in his box backstage out of Jacquie's view. Jay's voice was shaky and he sweated more than usual. By the time Jay concluded his act and left the stage, his shirt was drenched. Eager to check up on Oliver in the club's green room, Jay arrived to find club manager Ron Huebel and a club employee holding Oliver's box and investigating it. Huebel was a balding muscular man in his forties, the employee was a redheaded boy barely out of his teens.
"Hey guys, that's my box."
"Your box?" Ron answered, "Well, that solves one mystery."
"Yeah, there's a kitten named Oliver in there and I'm gonna pop the question to Jacquie with him."
Both Huebel and the redhead looked into the box. "What kitten?"
"Well, there's a orange kitten in there..." Jay walked over and peered into the box, only a jingle ball and a blanket were inside. A lump formed in his throat and his stomach dropped to his ankles; he sat down and hung his head.
"Aw, hell no! No, no, no! That little shinola is gone and so is that $700 bracelet on his neck!"
Huebel threw the box down. "Seven hundred dollars? Shit, Jay! Look, we got twenty minutes before the tandem act. I'll get Martin here and the other employees to look for your cat and I'll get Jacquie to do a mini-bit in the Belly Room. He's orange, right?"
"Orange with stripes and white paws. The bracelet is diamonds with sapa, sappy...they're blue stones, I forgot what they're called."
"Okay, got it. Martin, get the others and hustle!"
Over the next twenty minutes, Jay and the employees slunk through the huge crowd trying to find Oliver, but Jay was bombarded with requests for pictures and autographs. By the time he was able to break free from the crowd, the tandem act was scheduled to begin; the employees reported back with sad faces and empty hands. Jay's heart pounded in his chest.
"Ladies and gentlemen, together at last, The Londons!"
Applause broke out as Jacquie and Jay came from stage left, Jacquie's red and black Asian print dress providing a stark contrast to Jay's drab green overalls. Sitting on their stools, Jacquie took a look at Jay's sweaty face."Jeez, Jay, you're sweating more than hooker in a confessional!"
Laughter echoed throughout the room as Jay scrambled for an excuse. "Well, that's the last time I eat your five alarm chili before I go onstage."
"After the beans kick in, it'll be a six alarm HAZMAT alert in the bathrooms. They'll need to bring in Lysol by the keg."
"Now, hon, we have to keep it clean for those nice ladies in the front row." Cheers came from the Red Hat Ladies sitting up front.
"Oooh, Red Hatters! I love Hatters! I'm suprised the people behind you aren't complaining. Y'know, like those times you go into a bar and some doofus with one of those beer dispensing helmets is blocking the view of the TV."
"Jacquie, you OWN one of those helmets!" More laughter broke out.
"Hey, it's a collector's item, unlike your various assortment of dust bunnies under your bed."
"At least they're dust bunnies and not Playboy bunnies."
"No, that's in your closet, along with your dust Hustlers."
The exchange continued for twenty minutes, with the Oliver-hunting employees darting through the dark and manuevering through the crowd, but turning up nothing. Huebel gave the cue to close the show, but Jacquie looked stage right and gave out a loud squeal.
"AWWW, He's so CUUUTE!"
Jay looked over to see Oliver running onstage, chasing and swatting the microphone cord; the bracelet's numerous stones sparkled under the stage lights. Before anybody could move, Jacquie ran over and picked him up. Jay began to sweat more and his heart pounded faster.
"Aren't you just the sweetest wittle thing ever, with those eyes and wittle ears and I think my voice is stuck in high-pitched cute mode!"Jay scrambled for a line.
"And I think my ears are stuck in hurt mode."
Jacquie shot a smirk at Jay. "That's why they invented aspirin." She looked back at Oliver. "Oh and look at your sparkly collar! You'd surprise the alley cats with your style!"
Noticing Huebel desperately making the cut-off cue, Jay took a hard swallow. "Yeah, he's a great suprise, just like you were in my life."
"Eh?"
Jay took the bracelet off of Oliver and bent down in front of Jacquie. "I got a surprise of my own, hon. Jacquie Sue Hemlock, will you marry me?"
Jacquie let out a gasp of shock and so did the crowd; Jay looped the bracelet over her wrist and adjusted the bracelet to fit. The crowd stood silent.
"Well, Jay," Jacquie stammered, "do we get to keep the kitty?"
"Of course, Oliver here was a lonely guy who needed some love, just like I was when I met you."
Oliver let out a hearty mew that revereberated through the silence.
"I think he gave you your answer, Jay."
"I want to hear it out of your mouth."Jacquie looked at the crowd and then at Jay. "I can't let you guys down. Yes, Jay, I'll marry you."
The room erupted in cheers and applause; the two kissed as a closer. "Thank you everyone, thank you and good night!"
Walking backstage with Oliver in hand, Jacquie wrapped her free arm around Jay's waist. "This is definitely the best surprise I've ever gotten, Jay! How'd you think of it?"
"Well," Jay said sheepishly, "it just came to me."
Jacquie smiled. "It's a lot more unique that just a ring."
"So what if I gave you just a ring?""I would've told you I'd have to think it over."